Your arrival to this website probably means you have questions for issues that need immediate relief:
How do I save my troubled relationships?
How do I become attractive to women?
How do I earn the proper respect among my peers?
How do I get control over my anger issues?
How do I conquer addictions?
This page addresses the first steps to recovering fulfilling manhood.
Repair the damage you have caused to your image and to your relationships. Use of the words "Quick Start" does not mean overnight success. Where's the fun in that? But in a matter of days, you can begin to see your situation turn around.
In this life, there are many things we would be willing to trade our time and resources to experience. In times of extreme desperation, men have sacrificed their entire fortunes. Out of extreme love and worthy causes, men have willingly laid down their lives.
Think for a moment. What is the most important thing to you? Is it reputation? Is it a comfortable life? I hope you answered,
Okay I know some of you may have answered, "Saving the world." This is noble. But you cannot convince someone to do what it takes to be saved unless you have established a relationship. Even a stranger can quickly become receptive if you know how to start the conversations that lead to a connection that feels like a new friendship.
So, in truth, relationships are our highest priority. Every ambition in life proceeds out of mastering this one skill; to know how to start and sustain a relationship. I am talking about careers and workplace, family, friends, classmates, those in authority over you, brothers in arms, team sports, emergency services, and yes, romance.
Are you willing to pay the price to learn this skill? I do not mean money. I mean laying down pride. I mean willingness to change. I mean finding courage in an avalanche of fear.
ACTION: Commit to prioritize making changes to your current behaviors as you learn which ones are damaging your identity, your well-being as a man, and the meaningful relationships.
When you are healthy, you can then influence others.
As far as money goes, there is no course to buy, but there is a book I recommend as your first investment.
(Hereafter referred to as : "The Book")
It is the only resource that this website profits from (so far), and is mandatory if you are to succeed quickly in your efforts to restore your most valuable relationships, vocational success, or in starting your road to successful romance.
It is roughly 200 pages of concentrated content, no fluff.
Be prepared to make some serious changes to your opinions, behaviors, habits, choice of words, and your responses during confrontational events.
You will be equipped with real, actionable tasks that propel you toward a meaningful existence, free of the crushing negative feelings inherited from childhood, failed romances, and a myriad of losses that haunt men decades later.
The Truth will make you free. And though you can find it elsewhere, here is a good place to begin.
ACTION: Buy and read The Book!
You can get a look at the Intro here.
So, here you are. Either you want out, or she wants out. As a single, departure is easy, painful, but easy. Those of you in Christian marriages have the added stress of potentially disobeying God in a divorce. Some of you may have even given up on that whole "pleasing God" thing. The pain is just so intense, you are willing to do anything for relief.
Are you willing to do anything?
If there has been adultery, it is likely game over. I suggest, if she is too far gone, that you stop fighting it and give her her divorce if she wants it. (I am not an attorney though, and every case is unique, so I defer to your divorce attorney.)
But, the Bible does not condemn divorce if there is adultery. I have, however, heard of couples rejoining after a few years of healing apart.
For those who are still married, and adultery has not been committed by the husband, but by the wife, you need to decide if it is worth the long battle to reconciliation.
If you have chosen to fight for your marriage, I recommend this:
MASSIVE ACTION: Don't buy BULLETPROOF MANHOOD just yet. Rather, buy Prayers That Avail Much by Copeland, and pray every relevant prayer in there, but especially go through the Personal Confessions at the beginning! (You can get it on Kindle and should start using it right now. Click this link.)
Then buy BULLETPROOF MANHOOD. Read all of it. It will wipe you out!
Then, look for the opportunity to present to your wife a declaration that you are now under new management. It is found in The Book and is called "The Big Declaration". Re-write it to fit your personality. Make sure you mean it. And pay close attention to living by that paragraph.
Do not relapse!
(NOTE: There is a different approach in a dating relationship.)
Whether you are married or single, you must never forget, you are on your own path. You must walk alone with God. Even though you are expected to meet in spiritual assemblies in worship of God, you should still stay in your own lane, and stay out of other people's lane. Jesus did not entrust Himself to anybody but the Father, and neither should we.
You cannot give in to the urge to "fix" anybody else: It will be perceived as meddling. Only God has the power to "fix" people. You may have a chance to answer a friend with advice. But for the most part, nobody wants your advice...until they are asking for it. Your opinion may be welcome in certain group settings.
You do have the responsibility of praying for others. And if you think your prayers will not be enough, you may have to consider why you lack the faith.
Men make the mistake after they get into a relationship with a woman, thinking they should abandon their identity in the name of love. What happens is, they begin to depend on their woman for validation, approval and praise, thinking this is expected of us by God. They change hobbies and abandon their friends in the name of love. Do not make this mistake. Furthermore, your woman will begin to wonder what happened to the man she was once attracted to.
The change you should make is to depart from the parents, but not from your identity, you know, the thing that got your woman interested in you in the first place.
ACTION: The Book (Bulletproof Manhood) has a section called "PREPARATON LIFESTYLE" which covers the details that will help you rebuild your image and determine the things about your identity that you should not have abandoned.
Anger is a huge topic. It takes up a lot of real estate in the mind. And man-land seems to be getting quite full of angry men. It is your first stronghold to defeat. If you can defeat this stronghold, many of the others will crumble easily.
There is a good anger, one that motivates one to action against injustice. And solutions should remain within the realm of being legal and moral. "Be angry and do not sin," is a verse in the Bible.
But of concern is the other kind of anger, the kind that gets you broken furniture, wrecked cars, black eyes and broken hearts. A better word choice would be rage, which is defined as violent anger. Why do we rage?
It could be from frustration, which is the result of unmet expectations. We expect others to do what we think they need, or more selfishly, what we need. And when they do not comply, we boil. We even do this with objects!
What is the fix? The Book addresses anger extensively. But in a nutshell, we need to reset our thinking. We probably were in the habit of crossing into other people's lane. We probably think too highly of ourselves. We think others do not respect us, which is probably true. It is highly likely we are the cause of their disrespect of us, but have never had the idea or courage to take inventory of our own behaviors that cause the disrespect.
This is actually a good revelation. It means if you were the cause of their disrespect, you also have the keys to reconstruct your worthiness of their respect. Respect must be earned.
At the center of our solution is a verse that explains it, Proverbs 20:28 and 3:3, and is explained in Chapter 4 of The Book. There you will find the exact formula that earns the respect of others. And it has a side effect.
You will feel power.
The knowledge of a solution is so empowering. You need to swallow your pride if the process is to work, but the most immediate result is a change inside you, before anybody else starts to change. You will begin to feel confidence, and hope. And when you deploy this formula, all sorts of good things begin to happen. Your source of anger is destroyed.
Anger may return at times, but your training, the habits on how to keep cool, take charge, and lead gently, and with kindness, will kick in. You will have the respect from others return slowly. Be patient. Just stick to the formula.
ACTION: This is going to be lengthy. Read Chapter 4 of The Book. Take notes of things that really hit home for you. Get Prayers That Avail Much by Copeland, read outloud the Personal Confessions at the beginning, then all relevant prayers.
(NOTE: Anger could be present if there are past traumas, as from childhood. The Book has a section that addresses this persistent stronghold. See Chapter 9, Deep-Seated Anger.)
So there you have it, your Quick Start to reconstructing your manhood.
This is just the beginning of a long term "campaign". That is a military term meaning the entire list of objectives designed to defeat an enemy. You have many enemies to defeat.
A successful campaign requires planning. It involves commitment, and resources, and allies. It requires organizing a strategy that may begin with demolition, arial bombardment, forceful occupation, and clean up.
It then is followed up by a systematic process executed in the proper order, accomplishing objective after objective as you conquer enemy strongholds one after the other, (also known as "tactical" actions.)
It requires sustained pressure as you advance, sharp readiness in case of surprises and enemy retaliation and weather events or terrain anomalies.
Battles are brief explosions of chaos which require a prepared soldier. Training is everything when the you-know-what "hits the fan". You must be always ready with the exact response for success. (Hint: We don't shoot our allies.)
Quick Start has given you the plan for the opening salvos of a long war. You have your "beach head", meaning you are occupying a very small section of enemy territory, but with a very high concentration of firepower.
Long Term Victory is evidenced by a peaceful home, rewarding work, happy children and bride, solid friendships, and reasonably harmonious extended family relationships.
But your first action must be in planning and resourcing. Find allies. This website is a good ally, and friends with similar desires to improve as you are. Get the recommended books.
Then take that beach where the enemy has occupied, demolishing bad thinking, false truths, enemy lies, negative language, fears, insecurities, hopelessness, and laziness.
Executing the plan here on the Quick Start page is your starting point.
1. WILLING TO PAY ANY PRICE: You must join the military with a do-or-die commitment, and declare war on the spiritual enemy.
2. THE BOOK: Get training and receive intelligence that exposes the enemy's location and plan.
3. IMMINENT DIVORCE: Gather your allies. Declare peace to your woman since she is not the enemy, but your ally, and she may also be the enemy's captive you will need to rescue. Find friends who share your objectives. Introduce them to your plan.
4. YOUR JOURNEY: Rediscover your own path and identity. Know your place as you march alongside fellow soldiers and as you engage civilians.
5. THE ANGRY MAN: The first battleground is in your mind. Just like Basic Training in the Military: They condition you to think differently. The war is won and lost first in the mind of an army.