BULLETPROOF MANHOOD The Three Pillars of a Godly Man
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Act like men… (1 Corinthians 16:13 CEV).
Men are like fine wine.
After you pick them, you have to stomp on them and then keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with!
This is not a book written to beat up on men.
I just think that joke was funny.
Gentlemen, there are three simple rules to winning an argument with a woman.
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
There, equal time.
If you are like me, you have experienced periods of wandering, searching for some traction. Perhaps your marriage is on the ropes. Perhaps, while you were growing up, the men closest to you failed to give you a proper example of what it means to be a man. They may be just as clueless as you feel.
Perhaps you have been crippled by a fear of rejection when you see a beautiful girl you would like to dance with, hang out with, or date, because you were probably, you know, rejected by one, at least once in your life. Perhaps you feel jealousy and maybe a little hatred when you see her hanging all over the cool, buff, muscular sports types. Your confidence is, well, just gone. What do the cool guys have that you do not have?
Masculinity has been under attack for a while. I think some of us miss our wild past, where we were free to express our base urges, where we at least had a brotherhood of like-minded party animals, and we could feel some connection to what it means to be a man having been taught by the music we listened to, and the movies we watched, even though we may now realize that path likely leads to a very bad ending.
And what about your upbringing? Is there a father wound, a mother wound, verbal and physical abuse, a broken home, loss, or abandonment? Could these things be why you became incapacitated socially, depressed, angry, untrusting, divorced and alone, prone to substance abuse, overspending, abusive behavior, porn use, one-night-stands, escapism, crime, prison, or thoughts of suicide?
I believe many of us men who are now Christian realize we have somehow become a lesser version of our former selves. We have somehow come to believe that to be “Christlike”, we must be passive, de-energized, or we must bottle up our power. We are frustrated. We feel trapped in a virtual prison. We have anger, from old causes and from new ones. We keep it under guard until the pressures of life, work, or marriage and fatherhood bring us to critical levels, and we eventually go nuclear and damage everybody we love. Sometimes it is hopelessness and a lack of meaningful vision that compel us to just give up and begin self-medicating.
Is there a solution for that? Can we embrace the masculine urges that seem to be written into our DNA, without being pig-headed, chauvinistic, womanizing, rude, coarse, profane, drunken, combative, arrogant, or demonic, and still enjoy life?
To my surprise, it is the Bible that has given me the ability to be completely masculine. You may have already seen these Biblical passages, but they are organized and unpacked in this book in such a way that makes better sense, I believe. And the instructions in this book are actionable, teaching us how to respond specifically to all our various environments and our perceived threats, with calm, cool confidence. That means you show that you are unaffected by the threats. You are perceived as strong, brave, wise, and worthy of respect by those people who matter to you.
I used to be alienated from my wife, and I blamed her for our estranged situation. But why should I feel guilty if I did not even know how to respond to her in a way that was not destructive? Well, neither should you feel guilty if that is where you find yourself.
The first ten years of my marriage were the honeymoon phase with my best friend. What went wrong? Unmet expectations happened, changing habits, busy-ness, differences in parenting philosophy, financial strains, neglect in the dating activities, and then the screaming matches, resulting in injuries…for both of us. And it got to where we were blaming each other for everything, while our hope that we would ever get it figured out, was just fading away. Even though we made multiple efforts to get counseling, go to marriage classes at church, and read books, it all seemed to just scratch the surface.
Then I got some interesting phrases in my mind while praying for a friend’s marriage, and I emailed them to him. And then more concepts entered my mind, and I sent those to my friend as well.
Since I was also suffering a failing marriage, I also needed help, and an old friend, an experienced Christian counselor, gave me some key advice. It was very hard for me to accept his wisdom, but God gave me the perspective that made it make sense. These downloads of useful information kept going until I had what seemed like an essay, then a booklet. Then one day I had accumulated so much amazing information it began to look like an actual book, and I started sharing it with several men I knew.
I not only shared this with my friends, I started using the concepts experimentally in my own marriage. And this time, I did not feel like I was sacrificing my manhood, or my dignity, like it felt so many times in the past. Instead, I restored all the masculine warrior attributes, and the powerful confidence we men were intended to possess.
The day I realized I held all the keys, that I had all the power, with God’s help, to restore my marriage, it was mind-blowing. It was liberating. And then, I discovered it was not my job to fix her…mind-blowing x10. I am only responsible for commitment to the Truth, and for providing a Safe place for my wife and children, and everyone I came into contact with throughout the day. My responsibility was to be the kind King of my home.
I also remembered times I used some of these techniques “accidentally” over the years, when I obeyed God’s influence in rough moments in the work world, with friends, and with my extended family.
It was like a switch was tripped in my home, and seemingly overnight the atmosphere changed, and continues to improve as my wife increasingly realizes there is no sign of me returning to the former ways. The concepts in this book are just way too liberating to go back.
We felt united again, even if it was just a small amount at first. And hope returned. And a little hope goes a LONG way. Now, we are the honeymooners that we were for the first ten years of our marriage. We will never argue again. I made sure of that. And I did not have to make any demands for her to do something as a prerequisite to our restoration. Our home is a true sanctuary of peace again, and our children feel safer, confident we will not divorce. I am fully convinced the Truths in this book saved my family, and my prospects for just living well in this world.
Most children are deeply harmed by divorce, but I admit, not all marriages can be saved. Adultery and verbal and physical abuse are the greatest causes of divorce, and I will describe that path to destruction, and how to reverse it, or avoid it.
What about arguments and work place confrontations, when someone just unleashes their fury on you?
I have begun to look forward to it.
Their attack does not trigger me like before, if I am prepared. Where I used to have to deal with my own anger and violent reactions, now I can, with very little effort, remain calm, or should I say “keep my cool”?
I know exactly what to say, how to say it, and in the end, potentially make a new friend. And yes, I have done that on several occasions.
So what is so unique about “Bulletproof Manhood”? It provides you with tools that you will use every single day of your life. And not only does it correctly reset troubled marriages, it gives you tools that will help you surpass the best advice the world has to offer on;
various social environments,
and alpha males, (you know, those cocky, arrogant men that were probably bullies in Grade School or High School.)
And you can manage it all with style.
It is not a compromise of your integrity, or your dignity. And there is no surrendering. And you will want to practice the principles in this book, willingly, and not out of duty.
When it comes to marital relationships,
the principles are as close to a super power in real life as I have ever known.
Some of these principles are recent discoveries for me, though I have studied Christian doctrine and marriage principles for 37 years. I have been successfully re-married since 1993. The Biblical principles in this book are being taught by other sources as well. The Truth is not only accessible to the followers of God. Others also have discovered it by observation of the created universe, and of human nature, and from personal experiences.
As a side note, because I have been this long term, shining example of a student of these kinds of teachings, it is very possible I may be unwittingly using principles belonging to other authors. If you discover anything in this book that originated with someone else, please let me know, and I will address it.
Though marriage takes up a healthy percentage of this book, I encourage singles to pay close attention, because you need to be prepared.
The path to successful marriage
starts with the first encounter,
and the first date.
I must also mention here, that sometimes, it is just wise to calmly dismiss yourself from a situation until heads cool down, especially if there is any chance of physical harm. But the techniques and principles in this book are good for hot, non-physical situations, nevertheless. And what you will learn can actually prevent such undesirable outcomes in most cases.
Jesus said that in this life we will have troubles, and masculine identity, marriage, family, and friendship have suffered the greatest casualties, in my opinion. And society, (at least in the United States), has suffered for it.
God created us for relationship.
Good relationships require properly defined manhood.
Men are like fine wine.
School Dances, where fragile self-esteem goes to die.
Party Animals of Animal House, the movie.
"Hey Jean-Paul, guess who's back."
"Well, that argument went just a little too far!"
"Now was that so hard?"